Do You Make These Body Language Mistakes?

When you say “Body Language” to most people, it conjures up images of catching someone in a lie. There’s a big problem with this, however; most people-including FBI and Secret Service Agents are at 50% or less with accuracy when it comes to detecting lies. That’s right, even at this level; they are going to be just as accurate if they simply flip a coin.

One reason for this 50/50 score can be found in the myths that many operate from as a way of “catching” liars. Most people, for example, have long held a belief that eye aversion, or making poor eye contact is an indication of deception. Not only is this false, but those who are lying will often be the ones who are making the most eye contact. Why? It’s rather simple, really.

Because of this myth that has been perpetuated for generations, most liars will consciously decide to look at the other person more, making prolonged eye contact. And, because the listener is most likely using this same myth as their model of “truthfulness” they will usually take the sustained eye contact as “proof” that the liar is being truthful. Are you already seeing the problematic loop?

I recently commented on Joshua Powell; the husband of the missing Utah woman, Susan Powell. After watching all the available video clips of Powell, I posted one short clip, and pointed out a couple of the things I noted.

The most compelling signal I noted in this clip was a brief expression of contempt that flashed across the face of Mr. Powell. It is important to note, that we cannot know what the contempt was about. I’ve heard some people , after seeing a micro-expression such as this, say “he was feeling contempt about XYZ” This is a fatal mistake. It’s called mind reading. All that we can do is notice the emotions being expressed. Anything further than this is an educated guess.

The weakest signal I pointed out in this clip was that of Powell licking his lips and then swallowing hard before answering a question. Does this mean he was lying? Absolutely not. It means he was in a “fight or flight” mode and that he was experiencing stress-probably in the form of fear. People telling the truth experience stress about things like “maybe they won’t believe me” all of the time. Again, we cannot say what Powell was stressed about, only that he was manifesting signs of stress.

What then, are we to do, when we seek to know whether someone is lying? Look way beyond body language, for sure. When I use body language to detect deception, it is ONLY for the purpose of determining whether I need to obtain more information, and NOT to “know” whether someone is lying.

Through testing with the technology of Dr. Paul Ekman, I have tested at over 90% at detecting deception. Is this far better than most people, even Secret Service Agents? Yes…much better. However, let me ask you this, if your future was possibly going to be a long prison sentence if it was discovered that you were lying, would you really want to have me make that determination, knowing that on my very best day, I would be wrong 1 out of 9 times? Didn’t think so!

I might add, I’m not what Ekman calls a “natural”; out of the thousands of people Ekman has tested over the years, only 50 people worldwide have been found to have this natural, intuitive lie detecting skill. Like most intuitive skills, however, “naturals” have no idea “how” they know, and therefore cannot teach it to others. My 90% accuracy has developed with training and countless hours of observation. “Natural’s” might be as high as 93% with NO training.

In short, the use of body language and non-verbal communication for trying to catch people lying is to ignore what I consider the most useful aspects of this field. My favored area is teaching people to skillfully use their OWN body language and non-verbal communication. To teach someone who is depressed, or anxious, or stressed, habitually, how to break these patterns and incorporate radically different, but well planned physiological patterns and to create the states that naturally result, is far more exciting.

Many who argue “Depression is a chemical imbalance” when attempting to refute the use of manipulating their physiology as a means of shifting into happier states of mind and body are right…and wrong. There ARE neurotransmitters than are abnormally out of balance with depression.

However, science has documented that these very neurotransmitters-like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine , just to name a few-shift dramatically with new and more efficient patterns of movement and changes in voice tone, pitch and speed- and this includes internal dialogue as well. Areas like this compel me to take my passion for body language into yet another decade of study.

Whether it is me, someone you are watching on T.V. or anyone else commenting on body language and lying, please remember this: while any of us may wind up having been right, it was an educated guess and not a “written in stone” fact. This will keep you out of a lot of hot water; relationships and friendships can be ruined in a snap when you claim to know someone is a “liar” and wind up being wrong.

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